My thoughts began to chase themselves, tripping here and there on details that had been so frightfully unimportant at the time, now were carefully examined and threaded through a sieve of other thoughts and questions. I felt it, the tension, shrill and soundless in my ears and then...Adda. I rearranged my heart in a way now quick and familiar to me. He suddenly absorbed my internal boiling pot, as tension whisked away so swiftly that I almost felt breathless with relief. 

"I belong here," I breathed, and let my eyes close. "You are the only place that my heart feels peace." 

The garden gate swung slowly open. The grey stone of the path was littered with brilliant red and yellow leaves, clustering in tiny drifts of color. It smelled of autumn, rich, crisp and full of death. Life was draining from the earth, sinking deeply into the ground to hide itself away from winter.

Adda sent a warm breeze to me. It wrapped around me like vaporized sunshine and my goosebumps tingled themselves away.

"I know you," a voice called, and then there He was walking toward me with eyes that looked at me and me only. 

"I missed you," I walked directly into his open arms. I don't often think of peace as an explosion, but that was truly how it felt. All the blocked up tensions and deep aching hurts cracked like glass, then burst in one breathless moment of relief.

"I missed you," I repeated, "I didn't have quiet time this morning." I expected him to let go, look at me, or lead me to a place in the gardens that needed weeding, tending, watering... instead, He held onto me. Slowly, I felt myself relax. But not just my muscles, my insides relaxed too. My soul had become so bunchy and stiff... but as I stood there and let him embrace me, the rigidity ran slowly out of me. 

"Relax," He whispered, "Just be still."

So I was.  

Falling (Part #2 of Re'shiyth)

You fell. Satan came to you in the form of a serpent. You listened to his words and forgot my own. You chose knowledge over relationship. You chose death over life. You chose to leave me, to disobey me. You shattered my heart with one crunch of tender flesh. Then you stepped on the pieces when I called to you. (Genesis 3:1-7)

You hid from Me! My priceless creation, my treasure that delighted to be with me, hid! I felt the ripping as our beings were torn from each other. I knew where you hid, of course. But my heart hurt so badly, I could not help but cry out for our lost connection.

"Where are you?! Where have you gone? Who has told you that you were naked? Did you do what I pleaded with you not to do? What I warned you of?" (Genesis 3:9-11)

"It's the woman." (Genesis 3:12)

"It's the serpent." (Genesis 3:13)

It was my heart! My anger to the serpent grew so hot that not even the tears of my deep sorrow could chill it. I cursed my own creation. The serpent lost his legs. But you? You lost Life! Still, my love for you could never be removed. I did not want to destroy you. I punished your womb, I cursed your soil, yes. That was the doing of your sin. But from that moment I began to plan redemption. You would not remain this way. (Genesis 3:14-19)

I loved you still! Even as Death had already stamped it's ghastly mark over your faces, I loved you. I made clothing for you. I knew that you had to leave the garden, but as I set an angel to gaurd the way, I mourned. I mourned so sharply and deeply. You were no longer in the garden. You were no longer intimately connected to my soul. The gap burned. (Genesis 3:21-24)

Yet, I could not be apart from you! I stayed as your first beautiful baby was born. I helped bring Cain into the world, exquisite in his newness. And then Abel came. I loved them, and rejoiced as they brought sacrifices to me. But Cain's heart...I warned him. I tried to comfort him, but his bitterness to his brother grew.

"Why are you angry? Sorrowful? Cain, when you do the right thing, you will be accepted into my presence! You will find joy and excitement as you commune with me! Please, be careful--sin and destruction is so close to you! Overcome! I made you to overcome." (Genesis 4:1-7)

When I saw the murder, I was sickened. My creation? My image bearer? KILLED?! Even then I loved you. Again, I had to punish. But I couldn't bring myself to destroy what I loved so dearly. You had brought the curse down upon yourself. The ground bore the marks, screamed in anguish. (Genesis 4:10)

"The land can no longer bear fruit for you. To live you must wander, restlessly roving the earth, away from where I am." It hurt you. You thought that I would not follow to watch over you. Do you still not know that I am with you always? I swore to punish seven times over any who touched your head. You had sinned, but I was fiercely fighting for you. No one touches my chosen. (Genesis 4:10-16)

Later, you began to call to me, and I delighted to answer. Each time you whispered my name, I was there. The moment your sacrifices were offered, I ran to be with you. And yet...you fell away from me. One by one, you broke my heart still further. I took Enoch from the earth, took him away from the desolation that was ravaging my once flawless world. I remembered the garden, I remembered Eden. I remembered the first time you looked at me...I recalled the first animal you named, and the moment your eyes beheld Eve. These memories stung like acid, stung like lies. You were no longer what you'd been. The distance between man and I grew so far that grief caused me to cry out regret that I had made you at all. So much love for you, and so much pain. You had become so evil that you thought of wickedness constantly. What once bore my image now become defiled to the point that I could scarcely be seen at all, and what I saw was only a twisted remnant that hurt me all the more. (Genesis 4:26-6:7)

And then...you. You who are reading this love letter right now. I thought of what the world would be like without you. I remembered my plans for your redemption, each thought and scheme entangled in my passion for who I made you to be. So, I began to search until I found one, one person who could carry on these dreams of mine.

Noah walked with me. I loved him all the more passionately for the fact that he alone called to me.

"I must end this. I will destroy the violence, the evil that corrodes each heart. Make an ark! I will save you, and I will save pieces of creation. I don't want your world empty. We will make a covenant, you and I."

This covenant stands still. My love for you is deeper than any anger. Remember this. From the moment you were torn from me to the moment when I saw nothing but sin in your hearts, my anger never outweighed my love for you, the one who bears my image. You were chosen. You are mine. (Genesis 6:13-21)

Re'shiyth

I have been here since your very beginning. I created your deep night sky and the crumbles of black forest earth. It began formless, but I knew that I wanted YOU to have a form. So as I lay in the penetrating blackness over the lifeless waters, I thought of what to make for you.

The very first thing I created for you was light. I wanted this brilliance for your eyes, even when there was nothing but light to see. I separated this from the darkness, because there cannot be darkness where I have placed light. I made night, a time when darkness would stain the brightness I placed there. Stain, but not consume, for I never want my children to be separated from the Light.

The first day...I watched the first sunrise and I thought of you. From the very beginning I was dreaming of you, the pinnacle of my creation. As morning light speared the sky, sharp and clear, I began to speak.

"I'll separate water from water, hanging a covering of white mists above the rumbling depth below." Night again fell. I took my time, you see. I wanted it to be perfect for you.

Another morning, another sunrise. It bloomed across my sky as once again I began to speak. "Gather together the water below the sky! Bring forth dry ground. This...this is land. The water? They will be called the seas."

I thought of names for all of my creation, even what does not speak and move as creatures do. I named the world, but I let YOU name the life!

I created things that change and grow. I made plants that bring forth good things, fruits and flowers. For you! I do not like the same thing over and over. My desire is for variety and changes in the world, as is my desire for you. Yet even so, each is to bring forth life according to it's kind. My original design does not deviate, but I created room for originality.

I looked at these trees and thought of sitting in their shade with you. I saw my flowers and smiled at how you would delight in them. I saw the fruit and wondered what your reaction to their tastes would be. I saw beauty and glory. And I saw that it was all for you.

I created order amidst chaos. But there is also adventure and wildness. I made creatures numerous and so various that none is the same as another. I placed beings of life in the water, some so small you cannot see them. Others were so large that you feel tinier than a snail. 

I drew feathers from the skin of birds, and patiently taught them to fly. I soared through the sky with them. I saw that they were beautiful. I gave them voices of song for you, your first melodies. 

I made creatures of the land, small and large, fierce and gentle, loud and silent, beautiful and...beautiful, for all creation is beauty to me. I began to be so very excited as I put the finishing touches on the animals, tugging out tails and pushing in noses and speaking life into them. I knew that you were on the way. I knew that my most awesome deed was soon to come...

That day, the sixth day, I made...you. I knew just how to make you, too. In the image of myself, in such a way that I knew we could know each other intimately, walk together and delight in each other. I made you with a capability to love more deeply than any other creature. I stretched your mind and I breathed into you my very essence. I made you to rule every other thing that had life pulsing through it's form. Your heartbeat began at my word, and I loved the sound.

You were created and you were good. Very, very good.

I was so excited about you that I immediately began building a home for you. I planted a garden and called it Eden, choosing the most beautiful plants for your new eyes to see. I placed there only the best tasting vegetation for your mouth to discover. I put there the best of the most exceptional because I was so enthralled with you. And there I placed the Tree of Life, more beautiful and mighty than all other trees. I wanted to be with you forever, you see, always with me, always walking in this paradise I'd made. I wanted you to have life flow between you and I the way it does between the Father and Son and Spirit. Life--I created you for life.

I also placed in Eden the Tree of Knowledge. I never wanted you as a slave. I never wanted you as a robot, brainless and dumbly following me about the garden. Your love would have tasted acrid, because I know what love truly is--it is not without choice. So I gave you the freedom to choose. 

"You can eat from any tree in the garden, but please, don't kill yourself by eating the Tree of Knowledge. If you do, I promise you, you will die. I created you free, to choose... but you mustn't eat from this tree!"

And then you and I had an amazing time as I watched you be introduced to each animal I had made for you. Sometimes you knew right away what it should be named, animals like the lion, the mouse--the platypus when you began to feel silly. Others took longer to name, forming the sounds of leviathan, or okapi. I smiled with joy as you named them all. But something was missing...something that I had had in mind since the first moment you breathed. But I wanted you to realize as we looked through all of creation that something was still missing. As I had molded your bones I paid special mind to an upcoming event like none other.

I made your other half. I made your perfect help-mate. I made something that you would see as the most beautiful thing in all of creation, a being that came second only to myself. You named her Eve, because she came from your own body. Not your feet, so that she was not below you, nor your head that she was above. I took her from your ribs, where your heart is protected, the cage that surrounds the lungs that bring life into your body. I did this on purpose.

I delighted in your voices, in your bodies, in your love. We walked together every day, and together we discovered new things. We stayed together in your home, in Eden. I never wanted anything more, some other being that I could create better than you. You were enough, you were perfect. Until...