My thoughts began to chase themselves, tripping here and there on details that had been so frightfully unimportant at the time, now were carefully examined and threaded through a sieve of other thoughts and questions. I felt it, the tension, shrill and soundless in my ears and then...Adda. I rearranged my heart in a way now quick and familiar to me. He suddenly absorbed my internal boiling pot, as tension whisked away so swiftly that I almost felt breathless with relief. 

"I belong here," I breathed, and let my eyes close. "You are the only place that my heart feels peace." 

The garden gate swung slowly open. The grey stone of the path was littered with brilliant red and yellow leaves, clustering in tiny drifts of color. It smelled of autumn, rich, crisp and full of death. Life was draining from the earth, sinking deeply into the ground to hide itself away from winter.

Adda sent a warm breeze to me. It wrapped around me like vaporized sunshine and my goosebumps tingled themselves away.

"I know you," a voice called, and then there He was walking toward me with eyes that looked at me and me only. 

"I missed you," I walked directly into his open arms. I don't often think of peace as an explosion, but that was truly how it felt. All the blocked up tensions and deep aching hurts cracked like glass, then burst in one breathless moment of relief.

"I missed you," I repeated, "I didn't have quiet time this morning." I expected him to let go, look at me, or lead me to a place in the gardens that needed weeding, tending, watering... instead, He held onto me. Slowly, I felt myself relax. But not just my muscles, my insides relaxed too. My soul had become so bunchy and stiff... but as I stood there and let him embrace me, the rigidity ran slowly out of me. 

"Relax," He whispered, "Just be still."

So I was.